Marking Parental Mental Health Week

As we are marking Parental Mental Health Week, it’s important to spotlight a topic still overlooked amidst the chaos of new motherhood: the importance of both parents’ mental health.

While discussions surrounding postpartum mental health often focus on mothers, we need to remember that the other parent also has a huge range of emotions during this period – from feelings of joy and fulfilment to anxiety and uncertainty. The responsibility for the new family dynamic can weigh heavy on their shoulders. While partners may not experience the same biological and chemical changes as birth mothers, a new baby brings its own stresses and parental mental health struggles.

As a mother, wife, children's nurse, sleep coach, and lactation consultant, I know that parenting isn’t easy. I know that as a new family- we took all the help we could get.

Tired parents, the weight of new responsibility, financial load, mental load, physical load, house load…. the list goes on. Who takes care of the carers? How do you split that load as evenly as you can?

You call on your village. Great. But what if you don’t have a village? As an expat, I know that a village isn’t always easy to find, and it’'s even tougher when you are sleep-deprived and in that newborn haze.

Your village will most likely look different to your friends/auntie/cousins’ village. And that’s where I come in. As an expat mum, a sleep coach, a lactation consultant and a children’s nurse, I’ve seen and heard most things. Nothing much surprises me, yet everything is different. That’s because every family is different, and needs different things.

New babies turn your life upside down. Breastfeeding is hard(for the record, so is bottle feeding and expressing!). Divide the load if you can. Nikki offers great ways to do this in her Stepping into Parenthood course. If you need help feeding your baby- speak with a lactation consultant. It’s what we’re here for. I went to the breastfeeding clinic for help a few times when I had Benjamin (which always surprises people). There's nothing wrong in asking for help.

Then just when you think you’ve got it, along comes a blocked duct, or mastitis, or baby refusing one breast. That's where the guidance and support of a lactation consultant can really help.

Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world- but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

Sleep. The biggie. Cuddle your baby. Try not to obsess over sleep (or lack of it!). Babies don’t start to produce melatonin until around 4months, give or take a few weeks. What you can do is help them form their circadian rhythm from the start. As soon as you’re physically able, get up in the morning and take the baby out for a walk. This is a great foundation- light during the day, and darkness at night. Don’t worry about sleep training and baby’s sleep, it will be what it will be until a little later. Remember that ‘sleeping through the night’ means different things to different people. A baby who doesn’t sleep through isn’t you failing or missing something…. it’s usually developmentally normal. I do offer a 0-5 months sleep training programme to help you set solid sleep foundations for your baby, so hopefully you won't need to sleep train or sleep coach further down the line.

A little secret- At this stage, baby classes aren’t for babies-they’re for you. For you to get out, chat, and complain with other sleep-deprived mums about how sleep-deprived you all are. Marvel together at that first smile, that first laugh. Build your village. Meet the breastfeeding mum, the formula-feeding mum. Meet the ‘very routine mum’ and the ‘anything goes’ mum. See how everyone is different, and soak it all in.

A lot of what I do in both my sleep and infant feeding work is reframing things back into normal for parents. We look at everything that’s going on (think nutrition, family dynamics, emotions, parenting style/ethos, culture and tradition) in your family’s life, and how that could be affecting sleep/feeding. And we find a solution. If I don’t know the answer, or if it’s out of my scope- we find someone who can help.

So, speak your truth, shout it from the rooftops if you need to, because that’s how you find your village.

For more guidance on sleep/lactation from prenatal right through to age 4, check out my blog, Beyond Bedtime, and my Instagram.

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