So just what is sleep coaching or sleep training?!

If you’ve stumbled into the world of sleep coaching and sleep training because your baby or child hasn't read the manual on how to sleep, let me reassure you that you’re not alone in being overwhelmed!

So, what exactly is a sleep coach?

A sleep coach or sleep trainer is someone who can provide advice and guidance to you to help your child get better rest. Different sleep coaches and sleep trainers specialise in different areas. Some specialise in babies only, some in toddlers, some pre-schoolers, some older children, and others specialise in adults. Within these areas of specialisation, there are further subspecialties, such as coaches who specialise in helping parents with their pre-term infants' sleep, or those who help families with children with additional needs.

Most choose their area based on 2 things, their previous experience & expertise (in my case, 20 years of nursing pre-term infants and their families!) and their personal interest in families with these needs.

What a sleep coach isn’t…

A sleep coach or sleep trainer can give you guidance and advice, but it’s important for you to remember that this isn’t medical advice, and you should always consult with your paediatrician or another qualified health professional if you have any worries about your child’s health, or you think poor sleep could be related to a health condition. Depending on a sleep coach’s experience, they may suspect a medical issue and refer you to your paediatrician. A sleep coach can only advise you; they cannot prescribe, provide medical advice or ‘make’ you follow a plan/any advice they might give to you. You should never override a medical professionals advice with a sleep consultant or sleep trainers advice.

What can I expect from a sleep coach or sleep trainer?

A good sleep coach should always evaluate your child’s current sleep patterns, your family's style of parenting, environment, what your goals are and perhaps most importantly, your child’s personality and temperament. This will help them decide on which method of sleep coaching/sleep training to use. I’m not a big fan of the term sleep training, as actually, I’m not sleep training your child, I’m coaching you on how to do it! Often, a good sleep coach will pick up on issues in your child’s sleep that you haven’t realised as you’re so sleep deprived! A good sleep coach or trainer will be able to see the smaller elements that are contributing to the bigger picture of why your child isn't sleeping. Your child’s sleep can feel all-consuming when you’re in the depths of sleep deprivation, so this really isn’t unusual and isn’t something you should feel bad about.

After your sleep coach’s initial assessment, they’ll usually create a plan for you to follow, and talk you through the plan. Most sleep consultants offer different levels of support, based on your budget. It’s not all about budget though- a good sleep coach should never recommend more support than they think you need. The aim is to educate and empower you about your child’s sleep, not make you reliant on them. Sleep support can be via email, WhatsApp, phone calls, another messaging platform or a combination. If you prefer one method, even if the sleep coach you’ve chosen doesn’t state this on their website, you can always ask- we’re pretty flexible people due to the nature of the job! Because sleep coaching now is so easily done virtually, the days of frantically typing 'sleep trainer near me' into Google at 3am are hopefully long gone!

Your expectations vs the reality

A huge part of our job is also to set and manage your expectations. We’re not miracle workers (beware of anyone who claims they are!) and whilst some babies' sleep improves within a few nights, others take several weeks. I usually see improvements within a few days, but things like improving naps or dealing with early risings can take quite a bit longer.

What a sleep coach expects from you…

This bit usually surprises people! For me, first and foremost I expect you to stick to safe sleep guidelines. Lots of parents come to me using things like sleep positioners, cot bumpers etc. because they don’t know that these things aren’t conducive to safe sleep. People trust manufacturers and marketers to only sell safe sleep products. Sadly, this isn’t the case. There’s no judgement at all from me, but I will provide education and guidance on safe sleep and if you as a parent choose not to follow safe sleep guidance after I’ve given you information, then sadly we won’t be able to continue to work together. As a paediatric nurse, safe sleep and evidence based research is at the forefront of everything I do and teach.
We need you to be consistent in the approach we are using. Your child needs to know what to expect, and consistency helps them to know what’s coming next. If you stay consistent (which a good sleep coach will help you to do with plans and strategies), sleep coaching/sleep training is much more likely to be successful.

Sleep coaches need you to be honest with them. Firstly, so I can make a good, correct assessment because the information you give me is what I base your sleep plan on. Secondly, honesty whilst you’re carrying out the plan is a must. It’s ok if you have exhausted nights where you slip back, but being honest with me helps me to help you. It means I can tweak your plan if needs be, or just provide a listening ear, identify what happened and help you get back that consistency to meet your sleep goals for your family.

Sleep coaching is a two-way relationship- sleep coaches will help you to meet your goals and will help you to feel empowered to realise that you are the expert in your baby or child’s sleep. You know your little one best, so you are the best person to help your child get the sleep they need. If you would like any help or guidance with your baby or child's sleep, contact me to book a complimentary call and get started!