Why sleep coaching hasn't worked so far

How many of us have uttered this phrase?

"They won’t sleep, I’ve tried everything!"

– Every parent ever

It can be hard to persevere with sleep coaching our children. After days and nights of not getting the expected results, it can feel like we’re banging our heads against a wall. We may experience feelings of frustration and exhaustion that threaten to overwhelm us as parents, leading us to give up on sleep coaching/training altogether.

Read on to learn why sleep coaching your child hasn't worked so far...

Lack of consistency

The number 1 reason sleep coaching doesn’t work is a lack of consistency. As sleep coaches, we need to be consistent in our approach so that children know what is expected of them. When sleep coaching involves multiple sleep partners (e.g., mom and dad), it’s important that the sleep coaching strategy is implemented by both sleep partners consistently. Even if one parent feels better with a different sleep technique than the other. Make a plan and stick to it.

Start on a day when naps have been halfway decent, and ideally where naps have been taken in the house. This is obviously difficult if your child is in daycare and you don't have complete control over their schedules, but talk to daycare, explain what’s going on and get them on board.

Naps need consistency too

Many parents say they don’t care about the naps, their baby sleeping through the night is the main goal. if a child is taking inconsistent naps (think timings, too short/too long which equals not enough or too much daytime sleep) then nights are not going to run smoothly.

The famous 'drowsy but awake'

That old chestnut. This only applies during the new-born stage. The sweet spot is getting your child into bed tired (not overtired) and wide awake. Drowsy is too similar to asleep for older babies, and almost guaranteed they will wake up after a sleep cycle or two if you follow this past the new-born stage.

Keep their bedroom for sleep

Minimise distractions, such as toys, mobiles, books etc. Make it super dark, and consider a white noise machine so that your baby has consistency in the environment through the night.

Set the right bedtime

The ideal bedtime for a baby/toddler is between 7-8pm, after an appropriate wake window for age and a solid, consistent bedtime routine. Most parents are surprised by this as it seems counterintuitive that putting your baby to sleep earlier can actually lead to them getting up later.

Let them settle

Babies and children (and adults!) wake fairly frequently through the night. Putting themselves back to sleep on their own is both a developmental and learned skill. If we never give them the chance, they'll never learn how to do it. On this note-avoid rushing in at every little noise they make. Let them figure it out on their own.

This is of course assuming that they are not extremely distressed and that there isn't some other reason they are awake (nappy change/hungry etc). You know your child best and are aware of their needs and how they communicate them to you.

Nap transitions

Often a child will have short periods (think a week or two) of resisting naps when they are undergoing a new physical or mental development stage. Unfortunately, this can lead parents to think that they are trying to drop a nap and try to transition their baby down the nap cycle. Sometimes you just have to ride it out and the naps will return.

Other factors

It’s also important to factor in other aspects of life that could be influencing sleep patterns. Stress strategy, making sure we are setting achievable goals and being realistic about how long it may take for our children to reach their sleep goals.

It can be beneficial to take a step back and assess our approach. We may need to reassess our methods and adjust according to our child’s individual needs and temperament. This might mean changing sleep strategies, such as setting up a better sleep environment or adjusting the sleep schedule. It may mean involving a professional sleep coach, doing a thorough review of all things routine/sleep related together and spotting where the problems are.

Finally, sleep coaching requires patience and determination. We may feel like giving up, but with consistent sleep coaching strategies, sleep can be achieved for our children.

Our sleep coaching techniques must evolve as our children grow and develop, so it’s important to adjust our strategies as needed. With perseverance, sleep success is possible!